Thursday, February 12, 2009

Anybody but a black woman!

Like many single women, I've signed up on and read many profiles on the various Internet dating sites. Each of these sites has a section where the member can indicate the ethnicity of the person they're seeking. Nine times out of ten, regardless of the ethnicity of the male member, every ethnicity is selected but a black woman. I've heard all the imbecilic reasons why some men don't date black women: they're gold-diggers; they're too aggressive; they want to wear the pants; they bring too much drama/baggage; they're too demanding; and my personal favorite – black women smell different (actually read that in a blog about interracial dating).

Recently, I read a blog that asked the question: Do black men hate black women? ( The question was prompted by the apparent support of Chris Brown in the alleged beating of Rihanna. While I believe that the support of Chris Brown by many has more to do with the acceptance of, the tolerance of, domestic violence, I do believe that the black woman gets little respect by many. We've talked endlessly about how supportive the black woman has been of black men throughout our history in the United States. During slavery, we watched as our black men were whipped, sold off and even murdered and still – black women stood by their men and supported their families. Post-slavery, when black men were either denied employment or only able to secure menial employment, we still stood by our men. Fast forward to 2009, and it seems, to many, that black women are the least desirable women on the planet.

Don't get me wrong, black women have some ownership in the problem. After watching numerous court shows and other shows, like Maury, I see that many black women have so little self-respect or are so desperate to have a man, any man, that they put up with anything and often try to buy a man to keep him. Then, there are also the women who really do bring a lot of drama to a relationship. The young son of a friend stated, in front of his white girlfriend, that the brothers date the white girls because they know they don't have to bring their A game. There's a certain dichotomy in the two views. In the latter view, brothers know that they're not bringing what they should to the table. In the former view, black women are too demanding and require too much.

I read an article a few years ago that stated that black women should seek Asian men. The view was that Asian men and black women were the two most undesirable groups on the planet. The comments to the article were quite interesting. One Asian man stated that Asian-American had, for the most part, adopted a white culture standard of beauty and in that standard, black women were not seen as either feminine or attractive. He further stated that black women were too aggressive and as a result an anathema to Asian culture. Well, there's another group of men who don't want black women!

Many black women are reluctant to date outside their race. I've heard many black women state, there's nothing like the love of a good, black man." Also, since it is said that most women seek their father in the mate they choose, it is probably only natural that most black women seek a black man. So, do women who think this way remain single or mateless?

Thus, the stain of slavery on the United States continues to emit repercussions. The black woman had no choice during slavery and its aftermath BUT to become strong, to become the head of the family, to become the major breadwinner of the family. Despite our men, and often our children, being sold away – or worse – we survived and continued on. Yet, we are despised, dismissed and derided by many because of our steadfastness. Other ethnicities, upon coming to this country, adopt the white standard of beauty, of real womanhood, that finds the black woman less than desirable. Many black men have also adopted this standard, choosing to date and marry, ANYBODY BUT A BLACK WOMAN.